


What's this? IS THIS FOR REAL?!?!

by PokeThePancakes



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Idk if this has spoilers, Lactose intolerant people dont come after me, Yusuke and Ryuji debating is really funny, crack fic?, this was a mistake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2020-10-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:28:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26745907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeThePancakes/pseuds/PokeThePancakes
Summary: The phantom thieves discover that Ryuji has a PALACE?!?!?  Their way of giving him the calling card is well...very interesting.
Kudos: 8





	What's this? IS THIS FOR REAL?!?!

**Author's Note:**

> -Long ass crack fic up ahead  
> -This story is irrelavent to the main story  
> -Wrote this on a whim like a month ago never posted it  
> -Once again, hope you readers enjoy!

It seemed like a normal school day for Ryuji Sakamoto but that would soon change in a few hours. Soon the end of school had come and the teacher dismissed the class, the blonde boy had thought of hanging out with his friends so he walked to Akira and Ann's classroom to only be surprised when he didn't see them. His next destination was the student council room to find Makoto but to his dismay, he did not find her. Last was the roof, he had hoped to find Haru there working on her garden but low and behold no one! "Aw, what the hell? Where are they? I guess they're busy, I'll just text the group that I'll be at the arcade if they want to hang out." Ryuji said to himself as he walked towards the school's gates."Is this for real? It's been like this for over a week. Where the hell are my friends?" The athletic boy mumbled to himself as he passed the gates not knowing that his friends were at the library.

"How many minutes has it been since school ended?" Morgana asked in a hushed voice. "I think it's been 20? Maybe 30? Makoto, how long has it been." Ann looked over at Makoto asking her. "Yes it has been 20 minutes and Ryuji just texted the group that he would be in the arcade." Makoto spoke in a low voice as not to disturb the other students in the library. "Thank god that Ryuji practically sees the library as a non-existent place in the school, if he did then it would be hard to get oonga boonga off our tail." Futaba sighed putting down the book she was reading."Did you just call my bro, oonga boonga?" Akira looked at Futaba with a dramatic expression as if he had been shot. Akechi cleared his throat catching the group's attention "Well? Will we discuss the "thing"? Or will we be wasting our time on trivial things?" the chin-length chestnut-haired boy inquired raising an eyebrow. "Yes I agree with Akechi-kun, this involves our friend so let's start shall we?" Haru clapped her hands which started the meeting. "Okay, we already infiltrated Ryuji's palace and secured a route already so all we need to do is send the calling card." Morgana recalled what they had done these past few days without Ryuji.

"May I ask what Ryuji-senpai's palace was like since I had training those days?" Kasumi asked politely. "Ah yes we had forgotten that you had not joined us for the infiltration, shall we inform her?" Yusuke asked the group. "Oo me! I'll tell her! Okay, so we found out that Ryuji has a palace because of how much he hates rotten adults. Another factor may be his pride. Maybe he still has a grudge over Kamoshida or he thinks too highly of himself? Who knows but that's the gist of it." The ginger-haired girl ends her long explanation. "Oh, but may I ask how it looked like?" The red-haired gymnast inquired."It has the shape of a pirate's ship. The inside is how you would expect a ship to look like but pictures of our missions are scattered around the place." Their leader explained to the girl."I think you are forgetting something Akira. The Captain's quarters, it holds the treasure as well as multiple pictures and items that seem important to Ryuji." Yusuke added to their leader's description. "Well enough with the explanations! How will we give the calling card to Ryuji? Any ideas?" Morgana interjected their little conversation."Maybe we can all visit his house and some of us distract him while the others will place the calling card somewhere he can see it?" Haru shared her idea."Good plan Haru but wouldn't it be too suspicious to have all of us visit him at once? Maybe only 3 to 4 will go." The brown hair girl revised the fluffy-haired girl's plan to make it less obvious. "Good thinking Haru and Mako-chan!" Ann raised her voice which caused some of the students to look at them."oops sorry!" The blonde girl apologized to everyone.

"Yusuke and Akechi may I ask that you write the calling card?" Mom- I mean Makoto asked the two boys. "Must I write this? Wouldn't it be better for Kurusu to do this?" Akechi slightly whined but still agreed to help write the card. "Let us make this so that we may shine the light of truth on his distorted desires!" Yusuke yelled catching the attention of everyone in the library."Oh, We apologize! We should be leaving anyways" Kasumi apologizes and leads the group out of the library and to somewhere Ryuji won't find them but still outside the school campus. After careful planning everything was ready, all they need to do is give the calling card and save Skull plan is a go!

Another day of school goes by and Ryuji still hasn't been able to find his friends. Instead of heading to the arcade, he went straight home, just as his best friends expected. The athletic boy was just lounging around his house playing video games when he heard the doorbell ring. He paused his game and wonders if a package arrived. The blonde boy opened his door and was taken aback to see Akira, Morgana, Futaba, and Yusuke. "Hey, Ryu!! Sorry, we weren't answering you yesterday we had things to do." The ginger-haired girl said as soon as her teammate opened his door. "It's no prob! But why are you four at my house? Ya didn't even warn me." Ryuji asked them his eyes squinting at the four. "We just felt like it skull, we were all in the area anyways" Mona quickly answered the question."Well if ya say so, yo guys you can come in." The former track star ushered them into his humble abode.

"Okay, Futaba sneak into his room already." The black cat told the young hacker. The young girl nodded and proceeded to walk towards the stairs as quietly as she can to not alert her friend. "Ryuji could I ask you a question?" Akira looked at his best friend. "Okay hit me with it!" Akira's super best bud pal of the year grinned. "So, if milk has calcium and calcium is for the bones then does that mean that lactose-intolerant people are allergic to bones?" Once the black hair boy finished his question everyone went silent. Morgana had a "wtf?" face while Yusuke looked like he was trying to answer the question. "Dude, that's kinda weird but you gotta point. I say that they are!" Ryuji answered."I object to that! If they were allergic they would be having allergies at this very moment!" Yusuke answered back.

While the four were debating whether lactose-intolerant people were allergic to bones or not Futaba was nearly done with her part of the plan. "Nyheehehehe it's so easy to sneak into Ryuji's room! Now all I need to do it's plop this baby down." Futaba cheered to herself. The girl had found the perfect spot for the card, it was on top of his game console since she doubts her friend would use his table today. Before she left she wanted to check out a little piece of paper that was sticking under his bed. As she was investigating the paper she already had an idea of what it was but when she picked it up it confirmed what it was. "Oh ewwwwww I knew he was a bit of a pervert but this? No dignity man." the ginger-haired girl shook her head disappointed in her best friend. "Oh well, I'll just put you back there and skedaddle on out of here." and so she did out of the room and back to her best friends. As she walked to the kitchen making sure it looked like she came from the bathroom she heard debating. "What the hell did Akira ask Ryuji?" The glasses-wearing girl questioned.

"HOW POPASTAROUS RYUJI! I AM CERTAIN THAT THEY WOULD DROP DEAD IF THEY WERE!" Yusuke protested at the blonde boy. "LIKE HELL THEY WOULD DROP DEAD! THEY PROBABLY GET USED TO IT! AKIRA BACK ME UP" Ryuji yelled at his blue-haired friend. "What the heck happened here? It's like you guys set off a bomb while I totally went to the bathroom." Futaba nonchalantly said. "Well, it's thanks to this smug asshole that the two are arguing. Honestly, it would have gone much quicker if you asked him about why he hates Akechi so much." Morgana sighed because of the back and forth arguments the two "idiots" were having over lactose-intolerant people. "It's entertaining is it not? Well, it's been 5 minutes let's break this up before anything serious happens." The raven boy pushed up his glasses casually. Soon the three broke the two up "C'mon you guys! It's getting late!!! I need to watch some of my anime already! and maybe some hëñtæï" Futaba kinda screeched at them. "Wait what was that last part?? We'll never mind see ya guys tomorrow I guess? Please say that we'll see each other tomorrow?" Ryuji puppy dog eyes the group which the group complied with. Soon Ryuji saw his friends walk into the sunset never to be seen again...Just kidding he saw them leave and went up to his room to finish his game.

"Such a tiring argument over lack toes intolerant people or was it lactose?? Huh, don't know don't care." Ryuji said to himself as he plopped his little butt down to resume his game. Just as he was about to pick up his controller he spots something. It's a calling card? "What the hell is the meaning of this? When the hell did this get here?" He questioned to no one. He read the contents of the letter and he was shocked! "I'm the next target? My friends are going to steal my heart? Is this effin for real????" The boy asked bewildered but not as bewildered as his shadow. "IS THIS FOR REAL?" An entity said behind him, it was his shadow. 

Soon the phantom thieves of heart stole Ryuji's treasure and everything went back to normal...if you can count stealing hearts as "normal". The effin end


End file.
